i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
