Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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