Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
