I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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