you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
