i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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