I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
