She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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