You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
