So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
