My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
