And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
