Your tits are I can't wait for
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
