If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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