two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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