you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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