with your own penis?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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