you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
