Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
