My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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