Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
