no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
