sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
