Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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