He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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