I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
