Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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