fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
