i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
