there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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