I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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