HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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