Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
