the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize