i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
