My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
