Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
