i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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