another moral hangover. fuck.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
