i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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