i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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