i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
