this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
