can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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