My friends, they love my intelligence
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
