Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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