I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize