Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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