wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
