I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am one with the molecules
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
