I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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