smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
