First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
