what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
