can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
