my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I look better un-naked...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
