You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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