the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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