Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
