Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
