I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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