I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
