dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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