Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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